Gotta Happen. Can't Be Stopped.
by John Malpede
#1 (to #2): Having a lot of money around is dangerous. If you give me your money, I'll put it in a safe place. I'll put it in a safe place and I'll pay you $2 per hundred per year, while I'm keeping it. For the use of it.
#1 (to #3): -- for the use of it. For the use of it, you pay me $9 per hundred--each year you use it. And I want it all back in three years.
--If I ("I" #3) can make $15 on every hundred I have-- or even 10, then for every hundred I get from him, I can make 1 or even 6-- and that's per year.
But at 9(%) how many 10 times ten can I get from him and her and him and him? Not many. Maybe 7 x 10 x 10 x 10= $7,000. On 7, if I make 10 and pay 9, then I make one. I make .01 x 7000. I make 70 dollars.
-- But if I can make 10. 10, nevermind 10. If I can make twenty. If I can make 20 I can get-- nevermind 7, nevermind 7 x 10 x 10 x 10. I can get 30,000, I can get more 10,000 more, 40,000 at 14% -- a loan. 20,000 -- on margin with my broker. If I can make 20% I can borrow 60 x 10 x 10 x10. At 14%. 60,000 at 20% in one year is 72 x 10 x 10 x 10. 14% of 60,000 in one year is 8,400. (72 x 10 x 10 x 10) - (84 x 10 x 10)='s . After one year is 63,600 is 6%.
--I (#1) think you can make 20% easy. And to prove it, I'm going to give you an additional $40,000. At 14. 40 x 10 x 10 x 10 at 14. W/ this 40 , you have 100 x 10 x 10 x 10 in total. All of it making 20 at 14. When you're making 20 your year looks like this. 100 x 10 x 10 x10 in one year is 120,000. You're paying 14 on your hundred: 14,000. In one year you've got 106,000. In 2: 106 plus 21,200= 127,200 minus 14,840 equals 112,360. Plus the real 40 you really have in the market is making 20. 40 @ 20 = 48 x 10 x 10 x10= 48000.
--So one year, one year later, one year later you have 160,320. You're making 20, your making more than 20, You're making 25. 25 of 160,000=40. You've got 200,000. Well 200,000 minus 14 of 120. Ten of 120 is 12 and 4 is 4.8. You've got 200,000 minus 16.8 = You've got 183,200. It gives me pleasure. No! It gives you pleasure. While you're sleeping, money's growing. Gotta happen. It's a force. Can't be stopped.
(copyright john malpede, 1999)
by John Malpede
Your payment arrived late. It arrived late, a day late. A day later than it was to arrive. The payment was credited to your account on the 2nd of the month. On the second of the month a fee, a late payment fee, $25.00 was charged to your account on account your payment was late. Your payment was late It was late late late. We received it on the 2nd not on the first as we, you and we , long ago agreed. Long ago and for many months, years we have expected a payment large or small, preferably small, at our address, in our post office box, in our office, entered in our computer, credited to your account on the first , the first of the month, the very first day of the month. And this has usually happened. Sometimes it has arrived early . The 24th , 25th or 26th. Sometimes it has arrived very early, giving us plenty of time to receive, open, scan, enter and credit. (Early payments, payments arriving before the last day of the billing cycle when there was a carry-over outstanding balance from the previous month were charged interest compounded at the daily periodic rate only for those days prior to the payment.) Sometimes it has arrived at the very last moment, a foot in the door. Even on these occasions, we have accomodated. Worked all nite, done whatever it takes. Done what it takes to get the job done. Scan done, Entry done, credit done. And we are proud and pleased to accomodate. To accomodate is our pleasure.
But, this month, there was no way to accomodate. No. If only it were so simple. If only there were an opening, an opportunity, a way. There is none. We've looked in vain. Can't find it, can't see it. It's just not there. Your check in the amount of $400 arrived on the 2nd of the month. And because this is not the first but the second time that your payment has been late in the last 6 months, because this is not the first but the second time that your payment has been late in the last 6 months, your APR for the next six months, your annual percentage rate will no longer be7.9%, but, rather 22.9%. So let's say next month, next month, just suppose, you pay $100 or even the monthly mimimum of $10. If you pay $10. Well first , first let's suppose you make $400 of new charges. Let's suppose $400 new charges because you usually do. On average, you do. If you make $400 of new charges added to your current outstanding balance of $522.43, to which we've added the $25 late fee, then your statement balance is $947.23. $947.23 all of which is subject to interest at your current APR of 22.9% Your current annual percentage rate, compounded daily, is an effective annual percentage rate of 25.46%. $947.23 times one-twelveth of 25.5, Let's see, that's 947.23 x .02125 or 2.125%). So, 20.1286375. That's interest in the amount of $20.13. So, if you pay the minimum payment, if you pay $10, then your balance at the beginning of the following month will be: 947.23 plus 20.13 minus 10. Your balance will be: $967.36.
If you make your payments in good standing, if you make your payments in good standing every month for the next six months then at the end of six months this rate- upon review- may be reduced.
"Look, I was away. Out of the country. A neighbor was supposed to be paying my bills. She sent it in late. That's why it's late. I always send it in on time. I usually charge 400 a month and I always pay on time.'
It was late in October. It was late last month. and it was late in october. It was late two times within 6 months.
"I travel alot. My friends and neighbors aren't fastidious like I am. They mess up. they leave the iron plugged in, the coffee pot on, they lose their keys.
When I got home in October all my bills were overdue. I couldn't believe it. I had to rush to the phone, gas, water, electric. But that wasn't me. You know that. Access my records . You can see. Perfect perfect, for years perfect. October disaster. All else perfect. OK and now one day late. No, It wasn't the same person. I could have killed her. She wasn't the person I thought she was . I didn't know her at all. No, no, not really. She was a different person. Different than who I thought she was. He was a different person. One day late. One day late is a different person than October. Not October, I already told you, she was a disaster. One day late is different. At least he was trying. He just cut it too close. Too close to the quick. He's young. He drives fast. He speeeds, but still he's a good driver. Never an accident. Never when drinking. I think. That's why one day late. One day.
We'll evaluate the rate. We'll re-evaluate, review , scrutinize. assess and weigh it in six months. Six . Just make your payments, but make them . Make them make them make them. Timely. On time, in time. First first first. First of the month. Each and every month. Month month month.
Regarding your account ending in #8512 We noticed that you recently made a large payment on your credit card account and we want to make sure we're not losing your business. We noticed this large payment covered your entire balance. Like fog, like a blanket, hid it from view. We were wondering. -- is that it, like a blanket, you hid it from view , swept it under the rug, re-arranged your personal financial furniture. That's it isn't it? Isn't it? It must be that. That explains it. Last month you were late late late and now poof! You were in arrears and now your debt disappears. We're going to make a wild guess. We're gonna just blindly wildly out of the blue with it that you've transfered the balance to another card, another account, another company. Right?
Were you simply making a payment? or was there another reason for your decision--such as an offer from another credit card company? Either way we'll put big savings in your pocket to show how much we value your business.
Special promotional rate 5.9%
"No no no. It wasnt' another offer . It wasn't a disappearing trick . It was your offer, the original offer. 22.9. 22.9. Twenty-two point nine. It pissed me off. Enraged, took out my checkbook. I wrote that check. I put it in the mailbox- same day. The check was my check. A personal check. I sent it. You cashed it. You could have looked, seen , known. Sorry to disappoint you . Sorry burst your bubble, Sorry I ruin your fun. Leave you there hungry sorry thristy salivating."
Here's how it works. This special rate is good for 6 billing cycles from the date each check posts and after that a low 12.9. We will waive all fees when you use these checks to transfer balances from credit card accounts with a higher rate. That's ony fair. These debts are yours. They are yours and they're ours. They were ours before they were theirs. When you purchased the Lucy Barbie, splashed in the pool, ate the food, incurred the debt, you used us, you used our card. You used us. We want our debt back. These checks, write them, easier and smarter, consolidate balances. Remember, Grab a pen, write a check, cash in on savings. PS . Save the date; must use checks by May 6, 1999 to advantage this offer.
Now elegible, prefered platinum, 5.9. Just use just use just use by June 1. Ok not May, June. 5.9, 5.9. It does us no good, if you ring up a lot of credit card debt and then shift the balance to some other card. We know, we know, you said you paid it off. Paid it off. Sure sure sure , you paid it off. Sure, sure, whatever you say. Whatever. Sometimes we're our own worse enemy. Sometimes the people you care most about are the ones that hurt you the most. Like yourself, for example, when you lie. When you lie, cheat, hurt one you love or -just a passerby- just a human, random being. When you do those things it hurts you most. Most. More than when passerby scratches your car. That's right it hurts you more when you scratch passerby's car that when he scratches yours. People you love, they let you down. You feel distrought, destroyed, your head swells up like a basketball, you can't think straight. 500 pounds your head is pounding. In shock. Humiliated. Want to die. All this, all aformentioned nothing. Nothing against suffering caused by you. Betray a friend, abandon an elder, cheat a spouse, scratch a strangers car. For this you suffer more. Why? Violates your conscience. Violates yours; not the shrink, not your father, not the law, dali lama. The standards inside you set by you, internal moral clock set by you, time set, alarm set, set. At 5.9% you can't afford not to shift it back to us. You're probably paying 6.9, 7.9,.89,9-9 right now,.. Right now somewhere else. That makes no sense. Besides late payments. 2 months out of 6. Twice in six months-late. That's a pattern. You know it, we know it. A pattern of ----, we don't have to tell you, fill in the blank. For that you should be reported. The law, you should be reported to Trans America, you should be reported to all national credit tracking companies. But, we didn't report you . We didn't report you because we value you as person. We value you and your debt. People are not perfect. That people make mistakes. Their own worst enemy. Sometimes even the best customers are the worst customers. The worst are the best. We recognize that there are preditors, uncaring people out there ready to take advantage of human foibles. If we'd reported your problems, this would have done permanent damage to you in all future dealings with other creditors. Reluctance, hesitation, higher rates, a deluge of confusing and competing introductory offers from company,company,company, stuffing your mail box big as a basketball. But we didn't do this. We didn't do it, share your secret. We know you struggling to make your payments in a timely manner. We alone know that month after month you will be making small incremental payments on a debt that will be remaining more or less constant, shedding a pound or two, or even expanding. You now elegible, prefered platinum, 6.9 Just use, just use, just use by July 1. Ok not June July.